The Changeling

A mother once had a beautiful little boy, even tempered and pleasant. She turned her back on him for a moment to go down to the stream to wash some churns, and when she came back, the boy shrieked and howled in a vicious and ugly way. From then on, he was unpleasant child, who cried often and no longer spoke. She consulted a wise woman who lived in the village, who told her that the boy was a changeling. A fairy had taken her real son and left the squalling child in his place. The wise woman then advised her how to trick the changeling into revealing himself so that her real son would be returned to her.

Changeling stories abound in folklore. They inevitably involve the exchange of an attractive, pleasant child for an ugly detestable one. The reaction of the mother is usually one of distress, sorrow, and anger. Changeling stories illustrate symbolically what happens when our connection with our child – which is usually colored by affectionate or loving feelings – changes to a connection characterized by annoyance, irritation, rage, or even hate. Although it may be difficult to admit to ourselves, it is normal to feel all these things toward our children at times. It seems significant that changeling stories almost always involve young children. Toddlers are infamous in their ability to melt our hearts one minute, and incite us to fits of rage the next. In reality, of course, it is the same child that inspires both reactions, but on a subjective level, it may very well indeed feel as though someone has replaced our beloved son or daughter with an ugly imp.

Changeling stories are also fairly consistent in how they end. The mother must almost always employ some humorous trick to get the changeling to reveal its true nature so that the real child can be reclaimed. This seems to suggest one possible way to deal with our inevitable breaks of loving connection with our children. We may need to have a sense of humor with ourselves, and not take ourselves too seriously. This in turn will open the way to our being able to name our own ugly feelings so that we can see them for what they are, allowing a loving connection to be restored.